Live and Learn

Recently i've been getting annoyed with the amount of things i need to do to keep myself in check so i thought that it would be a good idea to try living without my medication... bad idea. 

So as you may know my starting weight was 196 and i am currently at 177!! YAYYY

6/15/13

In case you aren't so hot at math that means i weight 19 pounds less since starting my new diet and medications. 

About two weeks ago after being fed up with having to tote around probiotics, digestive enzymes, glutamine pills and my apple cider vinegar i decided to quit cold turkey and see what would happen. I'm not going to lie it felt pretty nice to not have to take anything or worry about where or what i would be eating. I still kept to my diet and my low intensity exercising but  noticed some downsides. First off i will be the first to admit i do stupid things.. like this. But i learn quick and i learned that you shouldn't try to fix a system if it isn't broken. I immediately noticed that the number on the scale had stopped going down. Now i have been losing weight at .3-.6 pounds every three days so this was a tad bizarre. And so after being stuck at the lovely 178.4 for two weeks i had a talk with my naturopath (who i just so happened to have an already scheduled appointment with). After our little powwow i got home and started on the meds again because well.. it works. 

So here i am. Once again back on what seems to be an endless round a bout of meds and doctors appointment but at least a little bit lighter! Although i am happy about my weight loss thus far i am still upset that i am not making progress as fast as i had hoped. I believe anyone with a life long condition can understand how frustrating it can be to have to change so many parts of your life to live healthier. 

To be blunt. Its a whole lot of work to keep myself in a good place mentally/physically/emotionally. And sometimes its just hard to not let yourself be brought down by a lot of the disadvantages of dealing with such issues. The worrying and planning that goes into what should be a simple night out is simply exhausting at times. But keep your head up and remember you are doing your best. You are human you will make mistakes. 

And as long as you learn from your mistakes and are trying to make systems so its easier to live your life the way you need to to be healthy then thats all that matters.

Weight weight go away... and come back never

I've always had a healthy fear of gaining weight because my mother has always yo-yo'ed with her weight and my father and his side of the family are for the most part all morbidly obese. I always knew i had the wonderful ability to gain weight FAST which was definitely something i didn't like. 

But when i realize my genes sneaking up on me i would join a sport and i would be fine and go back to my 140ish pounds on my then 5'7" athletic frame. When i went into highschool i had suffered from depression and anxiety after being "dumped" by my group of friends who then went onto being popular and i kept being myself. I lost a lot of weight and i was a tttiiinnnnyyyyy (well for me anyways). But of course as being a 15 year old girl i thought i was massive. You can thank having two brothers for that bad body image... 

9th grade: 125- 5'6"
10th grade: 135- 5'7"
11th grade: 160- 5'9"
12th grade: 140- 5'9"

Now what i find to be hilarious is that for a daughter of a professional photographer i can't seem to make a normal body pose or facial expression in any photo.. so get ready for some creative photos.

Now i am very naturally muscular and for such a klutz i'm pretty decent at sports. I credit that to being obnoxiously competitive from being raised around all boys. Whether its a simple game of rock paper scissors for control of the clicker for another hour or a kickball game for a free beer i'm in it to win it. 

Now when i get depressed i lose weight fast and lose my appetite. So after the death of a few close family members my weight went back down. 

AKA. A fat Katie is a happy Katie. A skinny Katie is sad.

When i was 15 was when i started high school. This is also around the time i started having serious stress and weight issues. Along with battling personal problems with family and friends i got the wonderful gift of grey hair! Which i now know is attributed to having adrenal fatigue.. but either way being a silver fox at 15 isn't the best look. 

After weight going up and down up and down during school i then moved onto my first year of college. The personal issues with family got worse. Stress got higher. I worked three jobs and went to school full-time so i could afford my car and a place to live. And skinnier i got. 

Don't judge me too much this is literally the only picture i have of myself for those two years. But i show my weight in my face anyways so its a good way to scale it. (circa 2010)

All from high school up until this time i was having known issues with dairy. I thought i was lactose intolerant so i was drinking soy milk like it was nobodys business. At this point i was also a vegetarian for a few years and starting to have moderate stomach pains after i ate. At this point i blamed it on stress and honestly i didn't have the energy to take care of myself at that point in my life. 

About two years later i dropped out of school and started to work. I made some good friends and commuted to working in Boston. I found some people who cared about fun and going out which was very tempting for a 19 year old who never had the "traditional" college experience. 

At this point i had gotten seriously into working out. I ran my first 5k and 10k in 2012 and actually TRAINED for it! I then did a few fun runs like the color run, ruckus race and a spartan race.

 I had gotten into crossfit and started eating paleo. At first it helped my stomach calm down but i noticed my weight was creeping up... Over the course of the past three years i had gained an additional 30 pounds more than i had ever weighed. Blame it on growing in womanhood, dealing with the "real world" or whatever else you can think of. I was pissed off. I was doing everything i should have and i couldn't stop gaining weight. I logged my calories, sought out the advice of nutritionists and personal trainers, ate all the right foods, worked out in high intensity intervals and still i gained weight. Now i work in the health field and it sucks when you work at a facility that is all about losing weight and you are telling your best friend (who is a personal trainer) that you are doing everything they say and it isn't working.. now of course she thought i was lying. 

Now i truly don't believe in comparing your body to another person or that a number on a scale should ever define your happiness (see i'm still workin in) but when i was putting in MORE effort than the girl standing next to me in that picture and i get stuck with that body.. i was pretty upset and discouraged. 

This is when i finally had given up with feeling crappy and complaining to my doctor of stomach pain and i started the disappointing process of seeing specialist after specialist to just be told i was fine or that they could give me a pill for that. I then found a holistic doctor who told me about my food allergies and then was later diagnosed with LEAKY GUT! 

So now here i am starting at my heaviest weight ever. (see embarrassing "before" photo below :(  )

Standing in the corner at a whopping 5 foot 9 inches.. I weighed a total of 196 pounds officially classifying me as obese. My worst nightmare and everything i have worked so hard to avoid has become my reality. 

After being set up on a diet basically eliminating everything delicious for four weeks i have now dropped 15 pounds! As of 5/28/13 i weighed 180.2 . Now i am beginning to tinker with my diet to try and add foods and do the "see what happens" approach. More importantly than losing weight i am feeling UHHmazing. I can't even explain how bizarre it is to wake up with no pain. Seriously a change i could get use to.

Needless to say i'm pretty excited to see what will happen as i continue on my journey to be happy and healthy but its pretty neat to see the progress! As i lose more weight and get better i'll post updated photos to show progress!