I have recently become super fed up with the fact that my body constantly fails me. After an incident shortly after my last post, i decided that it was time to start back at light exercise. My knees, hips, wrists, shoulders and fingers have all become increasingly weak and have been causing me much pain. There was a period of time where i was literally collapsing because my knees were too weak to hold me up. After a few really embarrassing stints of this i decided it was time to try something new.
I decided to start back up with practicing yoga. I always loved yoga and was religious about my practice for a few years prior to when i started to get really sick. Now keep in mind i have not really worked out in about half a year and i haven't gained any weight either (thank god), so transitioning back has been quite the progress. I started with one hot 90 minute vinyasa flow class a week, modifying almost every pose because my wrists were so weak they felt like they would snap. To now being able to complete a whole 50 minute strala yoga dvd. The progress is slow and small but never the less progress. I notice the immediate effects on my mental state after yoga. I immediately feel more grounded and at peace. I feel less like i am thrown into chaos but more as a buoy bobbing with the incoming waves, floating yet still in control, anchored to the sea floor. I have since also stopped seeing my practitioner in Rhode Island. I wasn't feeling much of a benefit from treatment and just felt worse and worse. Although i can't say i feel incredibly better i can say that i feel like things are for the most part a bit more livable. Now whether or not this was a dumb decision i don't know right now, but only time will tell.
At the end of April i have scheduled an appointment with a LLMD who actually is a doctor in my building at work. I decided that its about time i try to see how a physician who relies on antibiotics and combats the symptoms with supplements, IV therapy (vitamin infusions), and other alternative treatments like cranio-sacral work, massage, acupuncture etc. I truly do feel so very fortunate to be working in a facility that i am able to have access to all of these things in the same building, and get an employee discount on services making everything more affordable.
Although i still do not physical feel any better than i have in the past, i feel that focusing on the positives has helped me move on a little. I still sleep all the time, sadly through weekends and plans with friends, still feel all the pain that i have all along and i feel as if this will not change for a long time.
All in all a few other big things have happened and has truly made me question a lot of decisions i have made. I in the past have put my health on the back burner to participate in things that in turn made me worse (i.e. new year's drinking… oh hell no). Trying to pretend like i am still capable of being the same person i was, doing the things i use to do. I am no longer that person. I feel i have grown to be a much more mature woman, who understands when to say no and realize its okay to be selfish to be more healthy. At the end of the day realized what are healthy decisions for my soul, my body, my heart, my emotions. I now wake up every day thankful for the things i have in my life, thankful for what health i do have, and welcoming new opportunities to learn, grow and evolve to be the person i am meant to become.After some long thought and soul searching i finally feel more peace than ever. With some much needed closure with some negative people in my life and the addition of some amazing positive light, i feel as if i am ready to take on whatever comes my way with grace and peace.
Think of your decisions and ask yourself is this nourishing you or feeding into disease?
<3
