Weight weight go away... and come back never

I've always had a healthy fear of gaining weight because my mother has always yo-yo'ed with her weight and my father and his side of the family are for the most part all morbidly obese. I always knew i had the wonderful ability to gain weight FAST which was definitely something i didn't like. 

But when i realize my genes sneaking up on me i would join a sport and i would be fine and go back to my 140ish pounds on my then 5'7" athletic frame. When i went into highschool i had suffered from depression and anxiety after being "dumped" by my group of friends who then went onto being popular and i kept being myself. I lost a lot of weight and i was a tttiiinnnnyyyyy (well for me anyways). But of course as being a 15 year old girl i thought i was massive. You can thank having two brothers for that bad body image... 

9th grade: 125- 5'6"
10th grade: 135- 5'7"
11th grade: 160- 5'9"
12th grade: 140- 5'9"

Now what i find to be hilarious is that for a daughter of a professional photographer i can't seem to make a normal body pose or facial expression in any photo.. so get ready for some creative photos.

Now i am very naturally muscular and for such a klutz i'm pretty decent at sports. I credit that to being obnoxiously competitive from being raised around all boys. Whether its a simple game of rock paper scissors for control of the clicker for another hour or a kickball game for a free beer i'm in it to win it. 

Now when i get depressed i lose weight fast and lose my appetite. So after the death of a few close family members my weight went back down. 

AKA. A fat Katie is a happy Katie. A skinny Katie is sad.

When i was 15 was when i started high school. This is also around the time i started having serious stress and weight issues. Along with battling personal problems with family and friends i got the wonderful gift of grey hair! Which i now know is attributed to having adrenal fatigue.. but either way being a silver fox at 15 isn't the best look. 

After weight going up and down up and down during school i then moved onto my first year of college. The personal issues with family got worse. Stress got higher. I worked three jobs and went to school full-time so i could afford my car and a place to live. And skinnier i got. 

Don't judge me too much this is literally the only picture i have of myself for those two years. But i show my weight in my face anyways so its a good way to scale it. (circa 2010)

All from high school up until this time i was having known issues with dairy. I thought i was lactose intolerant so i was drinking soy milk like it was nobodys business. At this point i was also a vegetarian for a few years and starting to have moderate stomach pains after i ate. At this point i blamed it on stress and honestly i didn't have the energy to take care of myself at that point in my life. 

About two years later i dropped out of school and started to work. I made some good friends and commuted to working in Boston. I found some people who cared about fun and going out which was very tempting for a 19 year old who never had the "traditional" college experience. 

At this point i had gotten seriously into working out. I ran my first 5k and 10k in 2012 and actually TRAINED for it! I then did a few fun runs like the color run, ruckus race and a spartan race.

 I had gotten into crossfit and started eating paleo. At first it helped my stomach calm down but i noticed my weight was creeping up... Over the course of the past three years i had gained an additional 30 pounds more than i had ever weighed. Blame it on growing in womanhood, dealing with the "real world" or whatever else you can think of. I was pissed off. I was doing everything i should have and i couldn't stop gaining weight. I logged my calories, sought out the advice of nutritionists and personal trainers, ate all the right foods, worked out in high intensity intervals and still i gained weight. Now i work in the health field and it sucks when you work at a facility that is all about losing weight and you are telling your best friend (who is a personal trainer) that you are doing everything they say and it isn't working.. now of course she thought i was lying. 

Now i truly don't believe in comparing your body to another person or that a number on a scale should ever define your happiness (see i'm still workin in) but when i was putting in MORE effort than the girl standing next to me in that picture and i get stuck with that body.. i was pretty upset and discouraged. 

This is when i finally had given up with feeling crappy and complaining to my doctor of stomach pain and i started the disappointing process of seeing specialist after specialist to just be told i was fine or that they could give me a pill for that. I then found a holistic doctor who told me about my food allergies and then was later diagnosed with LEAKY GUT! 

So now here i am starting at my heaviest weight ever. (see embarrassing "before" photo below :(  )

Standing in the corner at a whopping 5 foot 9 inches.. I weighed a total of 196 pounds officially classifying me as obese. My worst nightmare and everything i have worked so hard to avoid has become my reality. 

After being set up on a diet basically eliminating everything delicious for four weeks i have now dropped 15 pounds! As of 5/28/13 i weighed 180.2 . Now i am beginning to tinker with my diet to try and add foods and do the "see what happens" approach. More importantly than losing weight i am feeling UHHmazing. I can't even explain how bizarre it is to wake up with no pain. Seriously a change i could get use to.

Needless to say i'm pretty excited to see what will happen as i continue on my journey to be happy and healthy but its pretty neat to see the progress! As i lose more weight and get better i'll post updated photos to show progress!