4.14.14

HELLO LYMIES!

So many things have happened since we last spoke. err well from when i spoke and you read haha. 

So BIG things have happened

I moved!! Little girl in the big city, well its not Boston but its fifteen minutes away and super close to work which is amazing. As many people battling auto immune disorders understand all the extra rest time you can have is a total godsend. My place is beautiful and i'm finally starting to really get settled and explore the area and really call this my "home". I share it with three other people that are rarely home which means i get a humungooo gorgeous kitchen all to myself! Not to mention there is a totally gluten free health store down the street that makes fresh juices! Can you say amen?

I honestly can't remember what was in this but it was delicious.

I started working weekends for an online company telecommuting. Which means i'm working a lot more now.. aka why i haven't written anything in a while. Nothing really crazy to report here.. you know work is work. 

I met with a nutritionist. Her name is Juliane and she was amaze balls. The only downer to her being so awesome was the new dietary restrictions i was given.. No dairy (duh), no gluten (double duh), no dried fruits or fruit juices and NO SUGAR. Now having lived more than half my life learning to not become attached to foods because i know in some way or form things always seem to be "bad" for me.. no matter the actual nutritional value. So when i heard i had to stay away from sugar i really wasn't concerned. 

Gluten free oats, frozen mixed berries heated up, walnuts and banana.. my now go to breakfast!

This was the book i was told to get by Juliane, yet to read it all the way through since i got it today but i'm excited for this change! Fuel your body not the disease.

HOLY HERX! I don't know how to emphasize this more. Starting on the 4th i stayed away from sugar. After 24 hours i had a severe migraine, and here is little naive old me thinking this was how it was going to be for a few days. Now let me reiterate.. when you have lyme disease nothing is ever "that simple". Three or so days go by then i notice my stomach is getting super sensitive. I then start alternating in between a low and high fever for another week, i then loose my voice, stomach is having pains and my body pains start worsening. Now mind you i totally doofed up and forgot to check the lunar calendar, because behold the full moon we had. In case you didn't know full moons somehow tend to make my pain and symptoms more aggressive and worse. So here i am a solid ten days after my last piece of sugar (sort of.. i cheated and had a SMALL piece of chocolate and lordy did i pay for it) and finally starting to get over the fevers and throat things. 

Oh and how did i almost forget.. I got the okay to drink again! THANK YOU UNIVERSE. So i had some clear rum and tequila the other night with total success! Well partially.. i apparently lost my tolerance and became a lightweight.. and my wallet is okay with that! haha.

Me and the boyfriend out in Beantown :)

I started working at my work's apothecary part time, four hours doing my normal desk job and four hours down in there. I honestly love it because it breaks the day up, not to mention since i've been on more than half of the things in stock its a good learning experience. 

I finally have been feeling well enough to start really moving around. I got so serious i even re-instated my gym membership! I am yet to go since this all happened today but i will start back slow soon which i'm super excited for.

Its been so nice being so close to so many friends and new activities out here i even got to go bouldering the other day! I plan to try as many new activities as my body will allow now being close to the city. Not to mention its fantastic to be able to go out and not worry about an hour plus ride home!!

A few weeks ago when things were pretty terrible i received this in the mail:

This was an awesome reminder that you are not alone and there are others in the same place you are all over the world. Be good to another and be kind.

Here's wishing well to my fellow fighters. Keep on trying it'll pay off. Here are some little words to live by to help keep your mind in a good place!

<3 Namaste lovies! ॐ

Doxy Doxy go awaayyyy

So due to Lyme hands i accidentally deleted this post after i wrote the whole thing out on my phone.. so if i seem scattered or a bit ragey thats why.

So the past few weeks i have been on doxy and prior to being on medication for Lyme, i was truly optimistic about the process. I read a few books, watched a documentary, talked to my primary care and got a specialist appointment for after i finished up with three weeks of doxy. 

Now sadly the more i take the meds the more sick i become. My body is constantly lashing out at me in new and "interesting" ways. For once that word is not a good thing. I would kill to be nothing more than boring to doctors for once. As we speak my hands feel like they are that of an 80 year old. I feel like my joints are seizing up as i type. Joint stiffness and pain, muscle aches and pains, muscle fatigue, mental fatigue, brain fog, memory loss, migraines, light sensitivity, hypersensitivity to touch etc. I know there are more but i honestly can't remember. 

Having a chronic illness it takes a huge toll on you mentally, physically and emotionally. As i said i went into this whole process all bright eyed and now that i see what my life is slowly becoming i am not so optimistic  I have spoken with numerous people who's story start out similar to mine and lead down a bleak path. 

Pale is in now right? Vitamin deficiency for the win

I already feel isolated because the constant need to explain myself as to why i don't have the energy to do certain things or why i can't go out drinking. Recently with the heart episodes i'm afraid to drive. Rightfully so i could never forgive myself if i were to have one behind the wheel of a car and crash. With the hypersensitivity to lights as well it makes night driving a terror so i avoid it altogether. In doing so it seems that i have lost contact with a few people i thought were friends. People not understanding that i can't simply "drive on over" or "go out for a drink". 

Too tired and weak to stand so this is what i do at parties..

As to my other friends who i hear trying to downplay my illness or play it off as if this is somehow something i chose for myself thats not how a friend should act. I am hurt to hear that you find this somehow amusing to you that "i'm always sick". Believe it or not i'm not having a blast over here and honestly i'm not thrilled that i feel the need to "defend" my illness as if i need to prove how sick i am to you or something?

I feel as if i am a constant burden to my friends and that i'm slowing them down from how they want to live their life. 

I simply don't fit.

I didn't chose to have this. 

I miss going out with friends and staying up late.

I miss tequila, cake, or anything with sugar or gluten.

I miss having the energy to go to the gym.

I miss being in the woods.

I miss hiking.

The things that seem to keep me the most sane are the things that right now can hurt me the most. 

I'm tired physically and emotionally. I'm depressed and i feel more alone than ever.

This fucking sucks.

Progress Photos!

So its now June and after hitting my 15 pound weight loss mark i thought it would be a good time to make some photos showing my progress.

So this top one was cool for me to see because i can remember how i felt before and after that picture at the beach was taken. I was close to being at my heaviest weight and i was feeling pretty confident in myself until i saw the photo after it was taken. I just remember feeling shamed about how i looked and hoped that no photos would end up online. Now the difference in attitude between then and now is incredible. Although i am still not where i would ideally like to be, i do think that the change is pretty cool to see. So below are a few more pictures with the weight and dates from the past couple months to see the changes.

And yes i did YOYO in my weight between these two pictures. I went to a graduation party and i got GLUTENED! And yes i gained like three pounds the day after i ate (even after double checking with catering that it was GF and wheat free) its sort of neat to see what physical things happen after. 

And Lastly the below photos are my most current. 

 To be honest i was hoping to be a lot skinnier and back to my "normal" weight by now before summer hit. But i know its unrealistic. I have Leaky Gut and the weightloss is just showing me that i'm getting healthier. Its not like other people loosing weight and i know i shouldn't compare myself to anyone else but its hard sometimes. I just hope that i can say by this time next year that i am happy, healthy and that i accept my body however it looks as long as i'm no longer sick!