Doxy Doxy go awaayyyy

So due to Lyme hands i accidentally deleted this post after i wrote the whole thing out on my phone.. so if i seem scattered or a bit ragey thats why.

So the past few weeks i have been on doxy and prior to being on medication for Lyme, i was truly optimistic about the process. I read a few books, watched a documentary, talked to my primary care and got a specialist appointment for after i finished up with three weeks of doxy. 

Now sadly the more i take the meds the more sick i become. My body is constantly lashing out at me in new and "interesting" ways. For once that word is not a good thing. I would kill to be nothing more than boring to doctors for once. As we speak my hands feel like they are that of an 80 year old. I feel like my joints are seizing up as i type. Joint stiffness and pain, muscle aches and pains, muscle fatigue, mental fatigue, brain fog, memory loss, migraines, light sensitivity, hypersensitivity to touch etc. I know there are more but i honestly can't remember. 

Having a chronic illness it takes a huge toll on you mentally, physically and emotionally. As i said i went into this whole process all bright eyed and now that i see what my life is slowly becoming i am not so optimistic  I have spoken with numerous people who's story start out similar to mine and lead down a bleak path. 

Pale is in now right? Vitamin deficiency for the win

I already feel isolated because the constant need to explain myself as to why i don't have the energy to do certain things or why i can't go out drinking. Recently with the heart episodes i'm afraid to drive. Rightfully so i could never forgive myself if i were to have one behind the wheel of a car and crash. With the hypersensitivity to lights as well it makes night driving a terror so i avoid it altogether. In doing so it seems that i have lost contact with a few people i thought were friends. People not understanding that i can't simply "drive on over" or "go out for a drink". 

Too tired and weak to stand so this is what i do at parties..

As to my other friends who i hear trying to downplay my illness or play it off as if this is somehow something i chose for myself thats not how a friend should act. I am hurt to hear that you find this somehow amusing to you that "i'm always sick". Believe it or not i'm not having a blast over here and honestly i'm not thrilled that i feel the need to "defend" my illness as if i need to prove how sick i am to you or something?

I feel as if i am a constant burden to my friends and that i'm slowing them down from how they want to live their life. 

I simply don't fit.

I didn't chose to have this. 

I miss going out with friends and staying up late.

I miss tequila, cake, or anything with sugar or gluten.

I miss having the energy to go to the gym.

I miss being in the woods.

I miss hiking.

The things that seem to keep me the most sane are the things that right now can hurt me the most. 

I'm tired physically and emotionally. I'm depressed and i feel more alone than ever.

This fucking sucks.

New Diagnosis New Life?

When someone has told me that they had an experience that "literally changed their life", i always found that hard to believe. I find that most events in my life that could have been considered that were always made into memories that occupied shelf space in the library of my brain while i putted through life. Occasionally looking back and reflecting. 

This past Friday was surely an exception and an experience that completely changed the way i look at the world and life in general. Its in my professional opinion that having the feeling of dying will do that to you.

I was admitted into Mass General Hospital after being out at a show and having heart complications. 

I was with one of my best friends and her two friends seeing Mackelmore and Ryan Lewis at the TD Garden. That day was no different than any other. I worked in the morning, took a nap, ate food and then was off to get ready to pick up my friend and head into boston to get our tickets for the show. 

When i got there i was relaxed, excited and relieved. I had a really rough work week and it was nice to finally catch up with a good friend and be at a show. I have always found my happy place to be at a show or in nature and usually a show is more accessible. 

We saw the two opening acts and then halfway through Mackelmore's set (right after he played Thrift Shop) my friend noticed i wasn't moving around. The whole night i was dancing and wiggling (i swear i can't NOT dance when i hear music). Now this is where my memories get really fuzzy so this is my knowledge of what happened hearing it from my friend. 

I stopped moving around and stood there really taken back and she said that if she didn't know me better i would have looked overwhelmed by the crowds and claustrophobic. She kept asking me if i was alright and i responded multiple times saying "i feel weird, i feel sick, something isn't right". She said "okay do you want to sit down" and i said yes and bolted out of the general admission area, through the bleachers into the hallway. A little back drop here... i am almost 5'10" and my friend is 5 foot nothing so when i walk fast or run this poor girl is booking it to keep up with me.. and when i panic i run REAL fast. Anyways so i get to the hallway and sit down and my body is shaking pretty violently. Not to the point where i think it was a seizure but something for sure was not right. I wasn't really responding to any questions they were asking and i don't even remember anyone asking me anything. The EMTs arrived and starting poking and prodding asking my friend questions, asking me questions and i start to come out of whatever it was. I felt like my heart was going to explode. It was beating so fast and hard that i literally thought it was going to jump straight out of my chest. 

A week prior to this i consulted with a cardiologist because i was having episodes of heart fluttering or feeling as if it had completely stopped. Now anyone who has had any issues with their heart can understand what i mean by i was scared for my life. Now having body aches and pains, stomach problems, orthopedic issues i can all handle but when there is something wrong with an organ that determines whether you live or die by its normal function.. thats a whole other story right there. 

Once again this part is pretty fuzzy but they gave me aspirin to take after taking some vitals and i couldn't even fully control my arm and the pills flung off the wall behind me. We tried again and finally got them in my mouth. I was taken by the stretcher to the ambulance and off to MGH we went. 

Side note: Why are ER nurses either the nicest people you have ever met or condescending bitches? I mean yes i am aware i got a heart monitor to watch for these episodes and NO i didn't use it. Oh i don't know when you're not fully conscious would you have been able to reach into your bag and do that? I don't think so either.

After seeing three doctors a slue of nurses and attendants i was taken for EKGs, chest x-rays, blood work and more blood work (they mixed up the tubes the first time around and conveniently forgot to mention this to me until i asked to leave three hours later...). They gave me a blood thinner and did another EKG and then put me on an IV drip. I sat there waiting for answers for hours. After a while i felt fine and wanted to go home. And if you have ever had to tell a nurse that you wont wait for them.. well thats a whole other level of sass right there. So my friend and i had left now it being the following morning. TO HAVE MY KEYS LOCKED IN MY CAR. My friends friend drove my car from TD Garden to MGH so we could pick it up after (which i am very appreciative of) but he didn't know my car is from the dinosaur ages and doesn't work normally. So after calling security to come open my car and several failed attempts later, it was finally unlocked and we were on the way home.

Later on that day i woke up at 3 or so after that shitty night i had and my chest was beyond sore. I was calling my cardiologist and primary care HOPING they weren't closed for Veterans day so i could see them ASAP to get some sort of answers from these tests. Nothing.. noting nothing nothing. 

Test after test didn't catch anything and i felt like shit and i was scared out of my mind. 

My primary took some blood and i pushed him to test me for Lymes disease because one of my friends has it and has simular issues and they were already going to run some other tests since the blood thinner and IV fluids would have messed up my previous results. 

and on Thursday i got the news. I have borrellia burgdoeferi (Lyme Disease), ehrlichiosis and babesia microti. 

So now to play the game good news bad news. 

Good: This may be a possible answer to all of my health issues

Bad: This may just be another empty diagnosis and treatment that leads to nothing changing.

Good: This may be the cause to the heart problems and after being treated it could all go away.

Bad: The medication is known to be super aggressive and make people very ill before seeing any improvement. (If you want to read about the special sort of hell i am going to put my body through over the next few weeks/months/year(s) please read this  )

Good:This is treatable and curable but it will take years for all side effects to go away.

Bad: Caught this years after i would have been infected so the complications and treatment are significantly higher.

Bad: Treatments by Lyme specialists are extremely expensive and not covered by insurance past the prescribed medication.

Well it seems i have more bad things to say about this diagnosis than good but i am pretty optimistic that this will make a change in the way i feel and the way my body behaves. 

For the time being i am taking it one day at a time and seeing how it goes. 

I start my first day of medication today (Saturday, November 16th, 2013) so i will be sure to keep everyone updated on that.

7.29.13

FINALLY DOWN 30 Pounds! (technically its now 30.8 pounds down).


And if you are paying attention yes i did get my belly button pierced. I told myself that once i lost 30 pounds i would get it done. When i was bigger i never wanted anything to draw attention and now i have a reason to show it off!

It amazing to see the results. The past few months i stopped working out for the most part and just continued with hiking and walking with the dogs outside. This week i decided its a good time to start going back to the gym and hitting it hard. Since the weight i find certain activities have gotten easier. Like running! Which was previously the bane of my existence, now all of a sudden feels easier. Not completely though i still am not a fan haha. I went to the gym tonight with 0% motivation and managed to do some pushups, run a little bit, do some woodchops/upper trunk rotations and then try out the assisted pull-up machine. So i at least got myself moving a bit. Tomorrow i am meeting up with a friend and we are actually going to work out. Seems that this week will be a bit rough :/ 

In the past i have followed the Jamie Eason's 12 week fit trainer with no success. Unfortunately i feel that was due to me being sick. So here i am round 2 and *hopefully* will be seeing better results. 

In the meantime i am looking forward to this week filled with some fun outdoor activities. Stand up paddle boarding on Tuesday, hiking on Friday and kayaking on Sunday! 

As always i want to thank everyone for all the support on instagram, facebook and in person. Its been really nice to get to know other people with similar issues and to share my experiences with all of you is amazing. 

As always. Positive thoughts and wishes :)

Medicine Galore!

So i have been asked by many people about the specifics of my medications on a daily basis so i figured i would write you all a post!

So this is my current medication routine. I have previously been on other antibiotics, l-glutamine, and other enzymes and juices that are suppose to sooth my stomach. I just found this to be the best combination for me.

FIRST

So first thing in the morning when i wake up i take a probiotic. 

This medicine needs to stay refrigerated (as you can see in the picture i keep it in my guacamole drawer.. and yes i have a whole drawer of guacamole.) I take 1/4  teaspoon per day and it is in a powder form (i'll do this twice a day if i am feeling sick to boost my immune system). I have a starbucks cup i got for christmas that i use to drink it all out of since its a larger glass. I have found that sometimes the taste can be a tad weird so you just have to grin and bear it and add more water if you need to. Although this comes out more like little granules and doesn't really mix too well and DO NOT MIX WITH HOT WATER. The Ultraflora was made to break down in your warm belly so it gets really gross in your cup when you do that. If you can wait like 30mins before eating anything after taking this. Although in all reality i don't follow that because i wake up way too late all the time.. I take this and then get started on making breakfast which usually gives me about 15/20 minutes. 

Buy here

NEXT

I take digestive enzymes WITH my food. 

I take two of these pills every time i eat. I find that for me if i stop taking them or lower the dosage then i don't find it to be as effective. Now when i first started taking these i was advised to take 1/2 a capsule per meal (3x a day) to start then up them by 1/2 a capsule until i get to 2 per meal a day. I've heard from other people who tried diving right in that it bothered their stomachs especially if you already have a sensitive stomach. This i do like to mix with warm water because i find that the powder mixes easier. Now you can always swallow the capsules as well but i personally like drinking them better because i feel it working faster. Now if i was smart i would take it like 15 minutes before eating but again time management isn't really my strong suite. 

Buy here

LASTLY

I take apple cider vinegar WITH my meal. 

Sometimes i don't have the stomach to finish it before i eat so it does the same thing if you sip and eat. I do 2 tsp with about 16 oz of water before every time i eat. Now i personally like Bragg's vinegar because i'm all about it being organic and gfree and cheap. Just makes sure you mix well before putting this in your drink. Now i like to mix this in my big cup with my straw and just suck the whole thing down. I'm going to warn you.. This is for sure a taste you need to get use to. Because well.. its vinegar and not so tasty at first. I feel a huge difference when i skip the vinegar when i eat though so its 100% worth the temporary yuckness. I have heard from other people that cutting it with some organic apple juice or pineapple juice can help with the taste and make it more bearable but i would rather just water it down a ton. 

Buy here

TIPS

So i like to drink from a cup with a big straw for these (especially the probiotics) because #1 when you're chugging it down there is nothing splashing on your face and i find hat you get more of the probiotics when you use the straw instead of chugging it because it won't stick all over the walls of the glass. 

Gfree people- ALL OF THESE ARE VEGAN AND GFREE. I personally forget that certain medications have gluten in them and i love these ones

I do NOT recommend buying any medications from third party sites. Metagenics i purchase straight through my doctor's office but you can purchase it straight off their website. Digest Basic i buy from amazon and they have super fast shipping usually 2 days and i would only buy from amazon directly not another dealer through the site. 

And as always if you have any questions or post ideas send them to my email :)

Phillips.katie@live.com

Hot sweaty hot yoga

So with the diagnosis of Leaky Gut also comes with restrictions on types of exercise. Because i have an overactive adrenal gland i need to focus on more low-key exercise like yoga, walking and hiking. So it turns out that there is a yoga studio that does hot yoga near my house, so i figured i would give it a try tonight!

So being so SUPAH SMAHHT i decided to google some tips on things to do before/after or bring with me to the class. The interwebs people recommended that i bring a small towel, lots of water and to not eat before class.

"Power Vinyasa Yoga is a dynamic combination of strength, sweat and spirituality. It detoxifies, heals and electrifies. This accessible, challenging and flowing form of yoga will lead you to a state of transformation. It will sculpt, tone and hone the muscles of your body and your mind."

Well let me tell you something. I have seriously never sweat that much in my life.95 Degrees in a room with twenty other people. Literally sweat dripping off of my everything. And of course trusting the internet led me to some inconveniences.. Well next time i will bring a full size beach towel to go over my yoga mat. It was like a slip and slide except instead of landing in a nice pool at the end my foot would end up in some girl's face. No bueno. 

Mhhhmmm sweatyy

My instructor was really cool and we started off our 90 minute class with some breathing and light stretching then moving into some power vinyasa. Somewhere in between there we did some funky handstand things and then my favorite part was when we ended (but seriously) because we had a nice few minutes of meditating and laying down relaxed. The ending makes you forget all about that hour and half of slipping all over the mat, sweating your ass off...literally, and my personal favorite my clothes being soaked in sweat falling off of myself. So naturally i signed up for an unlimited month... :X

In the end i felt amazing after i left class.


And on another note i am officially under 175 and have lost 21 pounds! Stoked!!